What Big Teeth You Have

This whole thing started two days before Halloween. I was biking home from my paper route when I heard this terrible howling.

AAAAAAAAAHHHOOOOOOOOO! I slammed on the brakes and skidded to a stop. This was definitely NOT a dog howling. It was a weird sound that rose and fell in the twilight. It made the yellow aspen leaves quiver and sent shivers down my spine.

I glanced over my shoulder at the late October moon. It was full and bright, like a huge eye. I took off, pedaling like a maniac.

The horrible howl came again–closer this time. I was passing my grandmother’s new house. She had just moved here last month. I made a gravel-splattering turn into the driveway. I dumped my bike and ran for the porch. “GRANDMA!” I hollered, pounding on the door. “Let me in!”

The howling stopped abruptly. The sudden quiet was worse than the noise! I could almost feel something sneaking up on me, closing in for the kill. I squeezed myself between the screen and the front door.

“Grandma! It’s me, Tooz, “I called and knocked again.

“Tuesday?’” Grandma said. “Is that you?” She sounded strange.

“Yeah! Let me in!”

There was a long pause. “Uhm, I’m not feeling very well tonight, dear. You can visit some other time.”

The street was empty and quiet. But how long could that Last?

“Well…OK, Grandma. Gotta run!” I grabbed my bike and raced home. I mentioned the noise at dinner that night. “Did you hear that weird howling earlier?” I asked.

“Howling?” Morn said. She and Dad exchanged glances.

“Just a stray dog, I’m sure,” Dad said.

“Right.” Mom quickly agreed. “A stray dog.”

Mom and Dad didn’t seem to give it much thought, I changed the subject.

“I still don’t have a Halloween costume,” I reminded them. “I was thinking of something creepy. Maybe a vampire or a werewolf.”

There was a long silence. “I don’t think that’s such a–” my Father started.

“‘Good idea!” Mom jumped in. “You would make a terrific vampire. We’ll dress you in black and buy you some plastic fangs!”

We finished the costume on Halloween day. It turned out great–especially when I dribbled fake blood down my chin. As night fell, Morn helped me with my makeup–pale white cheeks and bright red lips.

“I’m going to bike over and show Grandma Rose my costume,” I said.

“No,” Mom said. “You can’t go. Grandma is…uh…she isn’t home. She’ll be gone until late. Very late. Yes. That’s it.”

That’s odd, I thought. Grandma Rose never goes anywhere.

I suppose I should have asked why my parents were acting weird. Later it all made sense. At the time, however, I just grabbed a pillow-case and zipped out the door.

My best friend Margaret and I had fun trick-or-treating. My pillowcase bulged by the time I said good-bye to Margaret. The full moon lit up the streets like a spotlight as I walked home.

When I passed Grandma Rose’s house. I was surprised to see a light on.

So she IS home! I thought. Suddenly I got a great idea. I’d give Grandma a little scare! I crept around the edge of the house, flitting from shadow to shadow in my best vampire style. I draped my cape below my eyes and leapt in front of the patio door..

“BOOOOO–AAAAAA–RRRRRGGGH!” My boo turned into a scream as I stared into the house. There sitting in my grandmother’s chair, was a gigantic gray wolf! Its eyes glowed yellow. Drool! fell from its fanged mouth. It was hideous! It Was…it was…

It was watching TV and knitting something out of pink yarn. Knitting?!

Those hypnotic eyes locked on mine. I couldn’t move. The creature came closer…closer. I tried to run, but a furry paw grabbed my wrist and pulled me inside, Trapped! Would I become this foul creature’s midnight snack?

The wolf made a peculiar sound I looked up into a mouthful of sharp teeth. It was choking! No, not choking. It was…laughing!

“What’s so funny?” I shouted.

“Sit down, dear.” the wolf said. “You don’t have to shout. I’m not completely, deaf, you know.”

Strange, I thought. That voice sounds just like my…my…

“…Grandma,” I finished aloud. “What big teeth you have.”

“That’s hardly original,” she remarked, picking up the yam again. She looked at me over her glasses. “You make a nice vampire.”

“You make a nice…werewolf,” I replied lamely. “That is a costume…isn’t it’?”

She grinned toothily. “No, but it only lasts until the moon goes down.”

My mind was numb. 1 tried to sound casual as if this were the most ordinary thing in the world. “Have you, uh, been a werewolf for very long?”

“Since I was about your age,” Grandma answered. “Actually, I’m retired. I leave the big howling to the young wolves now.”

Suddenly my parents’ odd behavior made sense. They must have known all along that Grandma was a…you know.

“This is a lot to think about,” she said. “You go home and get some sleep.”

I grabbed my pillowcase. “OK. See you later…uh, Grandma,” I said.

I walked home like one of those zombies from the old movies. I was almost to my house when suddenly I stopped. You know, I inherited my red hair and funny laugh from my mother. I got my green eyes and long nose from my lather.

I wonder…what exactly did I inherit from my grandma?

The full moon slipped behind the trees as a furry shiver ran up my spine.

Joke of the Day!

A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Park and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of lilies.

"Tch Tch!" said the passer-by to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help."

So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?"

"Fishing, sir."

"Fishing, eh? Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?"

The old man stood put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of beer.

His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch this morning?"

The old fellow took a big sip of beer and replied, "You are the fourth today, sir!"

Fun Turkey Facts

Scattering isn't the only fall turkey hunting technique. Try these low-impact alternatives

Creating a good scatter on a group of fall turkeys can be tough. The birds often see or hear you coming before you can rush them. If you do sneak close, charging in for a proper scatter challenges even the most spry human legs and can be dangerous if you fall. And if the birds run off or fly away in the same direction, you now have a bunch of paranoid turkeys to deal with.
But there are other ways to hunt fall turkeys. These low-key but highly effective tactics rely on woodsmanship and calling. Yes, you can call in a fall turkey that hasn't been scattered. And if you don't get your bird today, it still be around tomorrow.

SCOUTING IS KEYScout during summer and early fall so you'll know where turkeys will roost, feed, dust, loaf, get Water and find grit. Walk woods and field edges looking for all manner of !turkey sign--droppings, dusting areas, feathers from a roost. Find a good vantage point and glass for birds on the move.

If you can't do any pre-season scouting, "power scout" when you arrive at your hunting grounds. Talk to landowners, school bus drivers, mail carriers, farmers and others who work the land and know it well, to learn when and where turkeys have been spotted. This cuts valuable hours off your search for birds.

HUNT THE ROOST-MORNING
If you know where turkeys like to roost or, better yet, if you actually saw them fly up, sneak in close before first light the next morning. Set up just like you would for a spring gobbler, only the intended target now will likely be a hen or young jake.

Don't fiddle with putting out decoys; you'll run the risk of spooking birds. Position yourself between the roost site and where the turkeys want to go for their morning feed. Call with soft, sleepy-sounding clucks and tree yelps [see sidebar, page HB28]. Once the birds start flying down, get aggressive with bossy yelps, urgent kee-kees and pleading kee-kee runs. Fall birds make a racket as they gather, primp, preen and confirm the day's pecking order, so you'll need to work hard to grab their attention.

MORNING SETUPS
If your roost setup doesn't pan out, quietly head for a feeding area--the corner of a harvested grain field (corn, soybeans and sorghum are prime), an alfalfa field with its greenery and bugs or an abandoned meadow. Or set up where you've seen turkeys traveling. Position yourself on a point of timber, along a fenceline, or in a funnel between woods, fields or hills.

Put out a couple of decoys, or even a little flock of four or five. Gregarious fall turkeys will check out any new comers to their territory, either to greet them or pick a fight. Make soft purrs and clucks, like feeding birds would. Belt out a few lonely yelps every once in a while to attract attention from any birds that might be passing by your setup at a distance. Try throwing a few kee-kees into the mix, too.

AFTERNOON SETUPS
Hunt in "hanging out" cover in the afternoon--mature timber where birds are likely to loaf away the midday hours. Make setups for an hour or more at strategic spots. Call with soft purrs and clucks. Sprinkle in a few yelps and kee-kees occasionally.

If the weather is unseasonably warm, go to an area with spring seeps or other dampness. Birds will come for water and greens. If the wind is howling, head for calm areas in hollows and on the lee side of hills. If you found a dusting area while scouting, set up there and wait for turkeys to come for their afternoon bath.

DRIFT-AND-YELP
Fall's answer to spring's cutt-and-run, the drift-and-yelp is essentially a still-hunt through good turkey territory as you prospect for birds to set up on. It's imperative to move slowly and quietly. Look more than you walk. Stop often, keeping your back against a tree for safety. Call with pleading lost yelps and lonely kee-kees.

Sooner or later, a turkey will answer. Since you're already against a tree, drop down and set up immediately. Forget about decoys--the real turkeys are either close or on their way. Mimic what the bird says to you.

HUNT THE ROOST-EVENING
Ease close to a known roost area a few hours before sunset. Set up quietly with a couple of decoys and wait. Sit ahead of the expected roost trees by 50 to 75 yards, so you can shoot incoming turkeys where there's still good light.

Call softly, and use only a few contented purrs and clucks. In the quiet of evening, these soft mumbles and whines say plenty.

Fake a FightWild turkeys jostle and tussle for pecking order all year, but the skirmishing increases in fall. Like schoolkids, turkeys love a good fight and will come running to watch or join in on the action.

Set up where birds might be within earshot and go to town with loud, aggressive fighting purrs and cackles from both a diaphragm and a slate or push-pin call at once. You'll sound like two birds in an all-out turkey fight. Scuffle leaves with your boots to add to the effect.

After a minute or so, put down the hand-operated call, pick up your shotgun and get ready. Continue calling with your mouth for another minute before going silent for a few more. Repeat the fight sequence every five minutes or so for an hour.

Try a Flanking Maneuver
Take the hunt to the turkeys. Get to a strategic vantage point, spot some birds and determine their travel route. Using terrain and vegetation as cover, sneak ahead of the flock and set up. There's no time for decoys now.

Make some forlorn yelps and excited kee-kees, but mostly use purrs and clucks. Wait at least an hour for pokey birds who may have veered off or found something good to eat on the way.

Sea Snakes Make Energy

The northern coast of Portugal has been invaded by what look like giant orange sea serpents (above). The "serpents," which are steel tubes 122 meters (400 feet) long, are a supplier of alternative energy. Their writhing motions convert mechanical energy to electrical power.

The orange tubes are called the Pelamis Wave Energy Converter. They don't float away, because they are anchored to the seafloor. Because the tubes are segmented, they gently undulate up and down and sideways in the surf. Those undulations activate hydraulic motors inside the tubes. Hydraulics is the movement of a fluid under pressure, which turns the motors. In turn, the motors drive generators that produce electricity.

The waves that flex the tubes are a renewable source of energy — they are naturally and continuously replenished. By 2008, Pelamis is expected to supply enough electricity via an underwater cable for 1,500 coastal homes. The projected goal for Pelamis is 30 tubes that will generate electricity for 30,000 homes.